27 In Kids/ Life

Being An Age Gap Mom

The Reality

I have been blessed with two beautiful children with two completely different personalities and one big age gap between them…or at least considered big by today’s norm. It was never my intention to have an age gap but it was just the cards we were dealt. I grew up with my siblings being 2 and 3 years apart from me and although there were many times we fought we have this incredible bond. My parents gave us the best gift by giving us each other so of course I wanted the same for my future kids. Well life happens and sometimes (well most of the time for us) life doesn’t go as planned. When our son was 6 months old Mike had left for training and soon thereafter he would deploy and be gone a total of 26 months. After that deployment we had moved out of state,health issues came up, then we both finished our degrees, moved again, finally had our wedding, and it just didn’t seem like we were going to add to our family. But as life would have it, we got the surprise that we were pregnant in June 2015. Our son was 5 at the time so we knew there would be the inevitable age gap, nonetheless we were excited for him to become a big brother.

 The Hard Stuff 

I was not prepared for the challenges that would come along with the age gap but I feel like it is really something any parent with more than one child might feel despite any age gap. I remember googling “big age gaps between siblings” while I was pregnant and everything seemed to say that having kids closer in age was better  for the siblings in so many ways but that with any family it really depends on how you raise your children. I find that the hardest thing when it comes to having my children is feeling like i’m being pulled in two different directions. I have a toddler and school aged child so their needs and wants are not the same.  Sometimes we go to a park that is fun for my son but there isn’t much that is safe for my toddler to play on or we go to a park that is more fun for my toddler than it is for my school aged son. It is also challenging  when my son has sports or a school functions and I can’t completely focus 100% on him like I want to because I have a toddler that is getting antsy or bored, or tired, or hangry, or ALL of the above! There was a time when I missed an awesome play Xander did in football because I was chasing after Elise…Que the Mom quilt.  Or the time I was so into helping Xander with his math homework that I didn’t see that Elise was quietly sitting on the floor with my brand new MAC lipstick being smashed between her little fingers like she was playing with finger paint. In that moment I just wished I could duplicate myself. No, scratch that I always wish I could duplicate myself! But the more I talk to Moms of more than one child the more I see that they struggle with the some of the same feelings that I have when it comes to feeling like you are being pulled in many directions. So that asks the question…is it really that big of a deal to have an age gap? That answer for me is clearly no.

Why I wouldn’t Trade This Age Gap  for the World

One of the most amazing things I have witnessed being an age gap Mom is to watch my first born take on the role of  not only a big brother but his sister’s protector. He does not like to see Elise cry and will immediately let one of us know that she is upset. He helps her when she needs help and he is always trying to teach her new things (even if some are a bit mischievous, haha). There are times when I hear him talk so sweetly and gently to her that I melt into a puddle of mush. “Don’t worry LiLi (the nickname he came up for her) Mommy is coming right back and everything will be ok, ok?”  Ugh, just melt me already my little boy! When Xander is doing his reading homework you can almost always find Elise next to him listening to him read a story which is way cooler than when Mom or Dad do it! So that right there is a two for one deal because you have Xander practicing his reading and Elise being read to! Xander is always there if I need help with something with Elise too. I tell him often that I would be lost without him and I truly mean it! He is so good at finding the items Elise hides around the house like the time she hid my bank card and my car was on almost to empty and I had to get Xander to practice that is 25 miles away. He knew that she likes to hide stuff in the kitchen drawers and since we had just moved in to this house I didn’t know of her new little hobby but he saw her earlier that day put a toy there and he told me to look there and he saved the day!! Then there have been the times when we are in the store and Xander sees that her shoe or bow has fallen off (or she most likely threw it herself) and he quietly hands me the shoe or bow that I didn’t even see come off in the first place with out thinking twice. He is always right there when I need him, always. I watched him change into a more sweeter and compassionate young boy (even though I didn’t think it was possible to have a more sweeter soul than his) when we gave him a sister. I can see the future being full of tough times because they aren’t perfect and of course and they still have their typical sibling moments, but I also see this beautiful bond they have. I see Xander being protective of his little sister and being her confidant ,the one who will get thorough to her the way Mike and I may not be able to because she adores him and I know in my heart that that will never change. I see Xander being an amazing husband and father someday because he learned compassion and care for others so early on.  I see Elise always looking to her big brother for advice and guidance.  She loves her “bubby”,  you can see it in her eyes the way she looks up to him and at this rate he is the perfect role model for her. To me this is my perfect. I could never imagine two more perfect tiny souls who complete our family and there is not one…not one single thing I would change about this little family of ours.

To the outside world, we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other’s hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time. – Clara Ortega

So If you are like I was and you have your first child already and you are just not sure if you want a second but you have these sibling age gap numbers in your head, I say screw the math and this silly made up time frame of “what is best” and do what is best for YOU and YOUR family!


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  • Reply
    Lorraine Smyth
    October 25, 2017 at 8:42 am

    What a lovely post. I only have one child and wish I could duplicate myself. Like you though I wouldn’t change a thing.

  • Reply
    Emily Anne
    October 25, 2017 at 9:56 am

    This is such a sweet post! My brother and I are age gap kids and while we’ve had the typical sibling squabbles, he protected me as a baby too! It’s always nice to have a big brother look out for you!

  • Reply
    October 25, 2017 at 12:31 pm

    It is so tough. I am the middle child I have an older sister who is 7 years older than me a younger sister who is 3. Growing up I wasn’t close with my older sister. But now that I have my own son I wouldn’t mind having gap children. The thought of having kids close together who need so much love and attention sound extremely challenging.

  • Reply
    October 25, 2017 at 12:34 pm

    You have a great support and all the best to you.

  • Reply
    October 25, 2017 at 12:38 pm

    So sweet! My son is 4, and if I have another it won’t be for at least a year. The age gap worried me a bit, but after reading this it’s not so worrying anymore.

  • Reply
    October 25, 2017 at 4:23 pm

    Thank you for sharing such a personal message.

    xoxo, Paige

  • Reply
    Ruthie Ridley
    October 25, 2017 at 9:25 pm

    Wow, I think each scenario presents its own challenges… I appreciate the realness in this post as my kids are 5,6 and 8. 15 and 17 months apart! Some days are very difficult

  • Reply
    October 25, 2017 at 10:17 pm

    What a great post that not a lot of people talk about. We purposely waited a bit to have our second child. Perhaps selfishly because I wanted our oldest to be pretty self-sufficient before I got pregnant again. Everything has been great for us so it all worked out! As it tends to do. 😊


  • Reply
    October 26, 2017 at 8:01 am

    I come from a large family so there are age gaps. We were always told after our parents are gone we would only have each other so we had better learn to like each other. Thank goodness we followed their advice.

  • Reply
    Paula @ I'm Busy Being Awesome
    October 26, 2017 at 8:19 am

    What a wonderful post. I completely agree with you – do what works for YOU and YOUR FAMILY. I don’t have kids, so I can’t speak from that angle, but I CAN speak from personal experience. I am the middle child. My older sister is 6 years older than I am, and my younger is almost 4 years younger…in other words, there’s a 10 year span between my two sisters. (In fact, my older sister is my younger’s god mother!) And you know what? I love it. When I was growing up, I looked up to my older sister SO MUCH as a role model, and my younger sister and I, even though we were pretty distant in ages, still played together all. the. time. And now that we’re grown, it makes no difference at all. Long story short – you’re absolutely right. The most important thing is a healthy and happy family.

  • Reply
    October 26, 2017 at 8:54 am

    This was such a beautiful post! I had a brother close to me in age and 2 sisters waaay older so I felt like I got a little of both worlds. But I feel like none of them is better, just different 😊😊 all relationships is different. And it sounds like you are an amazing mum! I do feel bad for your Mac lipstick though 😉😘

  • Reply
    Noel Chapman
    October 26, 2017 at 9:09 am

    Love it! I say screw the gap too. I have four children. My two oldest are boy/girl and they are two years and two months apart. My two youngest are boy/girl and two years and four months apart. Each set of siblings is close to one another tremendously. With that being said my two are 25 and 23 and my two youngest are 16 and 14 So that’s a gap. . They each have their own personalities but they would protect their sibling in a heartbeat. And the two older ones helped take care of their younger siblings a lot when I used to work long hours so it help dad out a lot.

  • Reply
    October 26, 2017 at 9:23 am

    Age gaps can be difficult but like you said the can be beautiful too. There is a 9 year age gap between our oldest and youngest but there are so many treasured moments…especially this week when the oldest decided to learn how to change diapers!! Woohoo!

  • Reply
    Harmony, Momma To Go
    October 26, 2017 at 10:11 am

    When I first started reading, I thought you were going to say the kids were 15, 20 years apart- 5 doesnt seem that big, but of course every age gap has pros and cons. There is no “perfect” age gap. Sometimes life has our plans written for us!

    FWIW My sister is 6 years younger and we are thick as thieves.

  • Reply
    October 26, 2017 at 10:20 am

    Its so sweet how he looks out for Elise and that he can be such a good helper to you! I can only imagine how many single shoes of Elise’s you would lose without him keeping an eye out. My husband and his sister are 20 years apart, so they basically grew up as only children, but she was always able to babysit him (even if she had to constantly explain to people that it wasn’t her son but her brother!) 🙂

  • Reply
    October 26, 2017 at 10:24 am

    This is beautiful. My husband and I have a 9 year old and were recently discussing having a second. Ultimately we choose not to …but the age gap was a very real conversation that we had with one another.

  • Reply
    Courtney Kramer
    October 26, 2017 at 11:09 am

    That is so sweet the way he looks after her! They are so lucky to have each other. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone a few years older who you can always look to for advice, especially as life goes on.

  • Reply
    October 26, 2017 at 11:18 am

    Michelle, this truly made me laugh and cry at the same time. Well put about having siblings in your life. It doesn’t matter about age gap, as we parents when gone, you have only your siblings and their family’s and trust me it is EVERYTHING to have a close relationship and bond no one can break. You are an excellent Mother Michelle and without doubt Xander and Elise will always be best friends just like you, Jenn and Justin, that is FAMILY.

  • Reply
    Ken Hanaya
    October 26, 2017 at 12:17 pm

    Me and my sister have a 6 year age gap, it was hard for us growing up being that we have different personalities. But I always did my best to look after her (as the older brother). I really can relate to you and your situation. Good article.

  • Reply
    tachira wiltshire
    October 26, 2017 at 1:16 pm

    I commend you being a mother of one is sometimes quite challenging . You seem to be navigating the age gap fairly well and also I love your advice about doing what us best flr your family 😁 I think I will stick with the only child for now lol

  • Reply
    Latasha Peterson
    October 26, 2017 at 1:17 pm

    Such a great post! My brother and I have a huge age gap of 7 years so I totally understand.

  • Reply
    Lynn Woods
    October 26, 2017 at 2:12 pm

    The age gaps are huge in my family between me and my siblings. It’s basically 2 sets of kids. There is a 12 year difference between my oldest sister and youngest sister. There is a 7 year difference between the 2 sets of kids.

  • Reply
    October 26, 2017 at 3:37 pm

    Thank you for sharing this. My sentiment was similar. The age gap between my children is 6 years. He’s now 10, she’s 4. There were many similar concerns, but in the end, I felt like you – that we are blessed. I love how he looks after her, and that they have divinely missed (for the most part) the deep seeded sibling rivalry I witnessed in my brothers and sisters as they were growing up (all 7 of them were 1 – 2 years apart, except for me – I was the miracle kid :-D.

    Many blessings, love and light to you and your Lovely babies! It is a wonderful journey! Evelyn http://www.PathofPresence.com

  • Reply
    Herlina Kwee | Making LOL
    October 26, 2017 at 4:37 pm

    Heartwarming post. I love how he takes care of his little sister and helps his mom around. He’s gonna be such a fine gentleman 🙂

  • Reply
    October 27, 2017 at 12:29 am

    Such a sweet and beautiful post! Sounds like he is a wonderful big brother. Age gaps are just age gaps, it’s the love that’s important!

  • Reply
    October 27, 2017 at 1:05 am

    Love this post. My 4 kids are all 2 years apart. It’s chaotic some days, but they are precious. It is true that it the age gap is really not that big of a deal. It all ends up being perfect.


  • Reply
    October 27, 2017 at 2:35 pm

    Beautiful post 💗💗💗 Every kind of age gap has beauty to it love this.

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